


Surf and Turf

by agrosexual



Category: Moana (2016)
Genre: (so much crack you can call me Tyrone Biggums), Crack Fic, Dumb Puns and References, Food Kink, Oral Sex, Other, Porn Without Plot, Reader Insert, Tamatoa (Moana), Tamatoa/Reader - Freeform, Tama’s a pushy horn dog, Teratophilia, dub con, gender neutral reader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-04
Updated: 2017-05-05
Packaged: 2018-09-14 17:23:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9195983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agrosexual/pseuds/agrosexual
Summary: Reader is hungry, Tama is horny. Shenanigans ensue.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I have unfortunately fallen head first into this fandom since last week. This was just kinda thrown together from an idea I had at 2 AM; so keep your expectations low (fyi I'm using Bad Dragon's 'Nocturne' as a reference in case you needed visuals).

_ Crrcck. Snap! _

 

The sounds of cracking crab shell echoed throughout the lair of Lalotai’s most flamboyant monster.

  
  


There you sat on the ground, a cluster of snow crab legs in hand. You got a good grip on one of them and wrung your hands firmly to break the hard casing. Carefully, you pinched and pulled the meat out of its shell.

 

“Babe, c’mon do you really have to do that in front of me?” You heard a certain monster complaining above you.

 

“Mm sorry dude, I’m hungry.” You shrugged nonchalantly as you dipped a piece of red and white meat into a pot of melted butter.

 

You couldn’t see, but Tamatoa’s eye stalks were lowered towards you, eyes squinched in obvious annoyance.

 

“That’s honestly so rude of you. I allow you into my home and you repay me by eating my own kind in my face.” He scoffed.

 

“Mm sorry Tama, I just can’t stop. This crab is... **_in-crabbable_ ** .”

 

“Disgusting, utterly, utterly disgusting.” He reviled.

 

“Mm if I can a recall, when I first came here a certain someone bragged about eatin’ their own grandmama.” You quipped with a mouth full of seafood.

 

“That’s different, it’s weird when you do it.” He sneered.

 

You scooted around in a circle to face him, fed up with his incessant distracting.

 

“You’ve eaten humans. Now I’m eating crab. I think we’re even.” You retorted.

 

“Au contraire, if I decided to dine on some unlucky mortal, I would at least have the decency to eat them somewhere else.” He debated.

 

_ Crack!  _  “Well consider me indecent then.” Deciding to ignore any other of the giant crab's complaints, you drowned out his voice with loud, over exaggerated munching.

 

“Mm, mm, MMMM! So moist, so delicious.” You taunted.

 

Tamatoa’s gaze on you hardened, your feasting clearly irritated him and you continued to disregard his pleas (you could've at least shared). You just carried on with your goddamn chewing and lip smacking. Smacking those supple, buttery,  **_shiny_ ** lips. Tamatoa’s irritation was quickly replaced by a sudden need...to fuck.

And your food induced moans were practically egging him on.

 

“Heh, say babe why don't you give that a rest and maybe stuff your face with something else?” 

He placed his huge claw behind you and nearly shoved you into his abdomen.

 

“Whoa whoa, what are doing?” You questioned.

 

“All I'm saying is that I'd taste so much better.” He said with a lusty wink.

 

You stared at him blank faced, seeing right through his corny innuendos.

 

“If I do this, will you let me eat in peace?” You huffed.

 

He chuckled heartily, baring his barnacle speckled grill. 

“Sure thing babe, and don't be so hesitant~” he purred. “I’ll make sure you get yours too.”

 

You snorted, admittedly Tamatoa’s actions were a bit amusing; almost cute even.

 

You pulled yourself further up along Tamatoa’s belly, straddling his lower plates. 

 

Experimentally, you began running your hands along the plates, pressing them in various areas.

“This is good babe, but it could be a lot better.” He groaned.

 

“Well forgive me, but us humans usually have our cocks out all the time. Y’know easy access.” You responded, continuing your search for the decapod’s dick.

 

“Sounds like a hassle if you ask me.” He replied boredly, scratching his chest with a claw.

 

Maybe it took just a little bit more coaxing. You gripped your legs tightly around the curve of his lower half. Leaning backwards on your hands you began to rock your hips back and forth against him.

Instantly, you saw his eyes shoot open; pupils blown wide.

 

“Now we’re getting somewhere human.” He grinned. “It seems like you've done this before~”

 

“Mmn shut up you fat crab slut.” You muttered lowly.

 

You were trying to keep face, but it was hard to ignore those feelings down below. The grinding was affecting you and the heat of your arousal spread throughout your body. 

Soon after, the beginning of what looked to be a cock head sprouted from his “center”.

_ Holy shit he’s huge! _ It was to be expected that whatever Tamatoa was packing, it'd match his 50 foot frame; but how the hell was it supposed to fit? It was nearly twice the length of your arm. You couldn't help but stare at it slack jawed.

“Are you gonna close that mouth or actually put something in it?” Tamatoa snapped, breaking you out of your stupor.

 

“Oh um sorry, its just...a lot.” You said staring at the huge phallus in awe.

 

“Drink it in babe, literally.” You felt the back of his claw nudge you closer. You gripped one hand around the base and the other around the tip.

Grabbing hold of as much as possible, you began stroking Tamatoa’s member.

You’d alternate between movements, squeezing and releasing the base of his cock, while palming the entirety of its head. You figured you were doing something right because every other second you'd feel him shudder through his plates.

 

“Ff-fuck that's good babe,” he moaned, “I think you're forgetting something though.”

 

_ Oh hell.  _ It was time to brace yourself. You tightened your grip around the crab’s tip, gaped your mouth wide open and readied yourself for what was to come. In a split second, you reached for your forgotten dish of butter and smeared it upon the upper half of his rod. Hopefully this added “lube” would make things go a bit smoother.

“What the hel-, what are you doing Y/N?” He looked up in confusion.

“Uhh just buttering you up my sexy little crustacean.” You laughed nervously.

His eyes looked you up and down suspiciously.

“Alright babe, I'll indulge you in your weird human sex rituals.”

 

You wiped the liquid along his exposed plates

Bringing his tip forward, you enclosed your mouth around as much of the monster that you could fit. Your lips were stretched taut around him, your mouth was literally stuffed. The pressure of your tongue being nearly smashed against the floor of your mouth grew uncomfortable. You wiggled and stroked your wet organ against the underside of Tama’s dick.

Above, you could hear the monster’s breaths quickening.

“Oh ho ho ho~ that's it babe. Yesssss” he drawled, letting out shaky laughter. 

If you could you would've smirked, Tamatoa’s obvious pleasure stroked your ego a bit. The amazing feat of a tiny human subduing a huge monster with just their mouth. In a matter of minutes, he became a panting mess.

“Nggrh, I'm almost there baby. Mnn.. I need just...ha.. a little more.” He pleaded through moans.

You pondered what else you could possibly do to him. There was no chance of shoving any more of him inside, and he had no sack to fondle.

You improvised, bobbing your head and rubbing the remainder of his cock with your other hand. 

“Little more.”

You sped up your movements, feeling your saliva begin to dribble down your lip and neck.

“CUMMING! CUMMING NOW!” he yelled.

Tamatoa’s booming groans echoed throughout the cave as he came to a massive climax.

You nearly choked when you felt his cum shoot into your mouth. You released the huge cock from your lips. Though already having a mouthful seed, the rest continued to spurt onto your face and chest.

Your once present arousal was soon diminished by the gross feeling of being literally drenched in cum.

You prepared to lash out at the monster but was subsequently stopped by him shushing you with the tip of his claw.

“Ah, ah, ah,” he scolded “it’s rude to talk with your mouth full, babe.”

Taking the hint, you immediately swallowed the mass of cum that harbored in your cheeks.

“This is so gross.” You muttered in disgust, glancing over the florescent seed that stuck to your arms and chest.

“Well if you ask me babe, I'd say you never looked better.” He praised, lifting your chin up to face him. “A true work of art indeed.” He chuckled.

“Whatever.” You sighed, scooting downwards to remove yourself from his huge form.

“Hehe now where do you think you're going?” He asked, snatching you back up.

You whipped your head around, eyeing him in confusion.

 

He brought you face to face with him, a wicked, toothy smirk stretched across his face.

 

“You haven't gotten yours yet.”

He said with a wink. 

 

“Get ready for round 2!”

 


	2. Part 2 is here! Go check it out!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's here!

I finally updated you guys! Please go read the sequel to Surf and Turf, "Surf and Turf II: Twice as Sticky"!


End file.
